I want to give up.
I don't know why I'm supposed to keep struggling just in case something good might happen. I've been looking for work for 3 months. I've gotten 3 interviews. Applied for over 200 positions.
Most of my social connections terminated the day I was arrested. It's like I'm no longer worthy of people's thought or concern.
My wife divorced me while I was in jail. You might say that was expected, but it wasn't. She stick by me for 10 months of incarceration and then suddenly divorced me. I still don't understand what changed. She won't talk to me about it.
The friend that I turned to after the divorce ghosted me twice while I was locked up. We got back in touch after I got out and talked every day until she decided that having an open an honest conversation with me about why she keeps hurting me was too much. I barely even hear from her anymore.
I made a friend on /r/Makenewfriendshere. Well, maybe. She ghosted me for a week and then came back and may be ghosting me again. I've been open about my insecurities and fear of abandonment. And still, I am treated like this.
I thought I'd made another friend on the same sub. She read my profile and knew about my bad decisions. We talked for about a week, and then she abruptly decided that I was an bad and unredeemable person because of what I did. I blocked her. I've been punished. I'm still being punished. I'm trying so hard to feel like I'm still a person with value who has a place in the world. I don't need that kind of energy in my life.
I hear from most of my other remaining friends less now than when I was locked up. I guess it's easy when you just have to answer a 15 minute phone call every so often.
I'm so lonely. I feel like the entire world is against me. I want to give up.
(a partial post from /r/lonely and /r/Depression)
