It seems like it's going to be a good environment. I'd originally been intending to move into a tiny travel trailer on my mom's property, but moving into a full furnished and functional house is way easier. It will also probably do me some good not to be living alone right now. I'll be able to do some house/pet sitting for the homeowner while she does some travel. She's also charging me an incredibly generous "rent," which will likely only just cover my power and water consumption. So, it's good to have an ally like that who's willing to help me out right now.
Still, I've been low-level sad about leaving all week and putting off packing for that reason. A couple of hours ago, (after going and filing the moving paperwork with the sheriff), I finally decided to start the serious packing. Instead, I ended up holding my 16 year old dog and crying for over an hour. I kept telling him I'm sorry. And how I didn't want to leave him two years ago when they locked me up and how I don't want to leave him now. I can also apply all of that "not wanting to leave" to the house and the city and the community. But, leaving my geriatric dog who doesn't likely have much time left is the hardest part.
I'm also sad that I haven't even been able to enjoy my last two months in my home. I've been too depressed (I'm getting treatment, but barely making progress). I theoretically have a strong support network of friends who all stayed in touch with me for the duration of my 2 year sentence, but it sometimes feels like nobody really cares that I'm out of jail now. One of my friends came to pick me up when they released me and took a day off to try to help me get myself together (it didn't really work). Nobody has come to visit me. I'd assumed that my friends who hadn't seen me in over two years would all be pretty eager to come visit. But nobody has. They all seem pretty busy. The two I asked about either visiting or meeting up both kind of blew me off and never suggested another time. I feel like if someone would have come to visit me, I'd have made it a point to go to some of my favorite restaurants or maybe even reach out to some of our mutual friends who are in town that didn't respond to my initial texts/emails. As it is (despite maintaining a terrible diet), I'm not particularly interested in food and usually only want to apply the minimum effort which involves lots of junk and fast food. There are so many places I thought I'd be super excited about going to eat where I just haven't made it in the past two months. And now I'm leaving.
Nobody calls. I rarely get texts that aren't in reply to something I've sent. The response rate to my texts isn't great. I feel really abandoned, lonely, and isolated. I'm having a hard time believing that those feelings will get better after having relocated to the middle of nowhere. That's also not going to help with my job prospects.
The reality of the packing situation is that I'm not even bringing that much stuff with me. Essentially just clothes, electronics, and stringed instruments. I already dropped off some of my hobby stuff the last time I went that way. But, I guess I just needed to do a little grieving before pushing through to the actual physical work of the task.
I'm leaving a lot of my stuff here for now. I'll be coming in from time to time to get stuff (I have a lot of nerdy collectibles that I need to try to sell online), so I'll get the see the animals occasionally. But, I'm not sure if that will make it better or worse.
