Two and a half weeks into that course, my new PO told me that I wouldn't be allowed to travel out of state for work AT ALL. I'd been intending to drive "Over the Road," which civilians call "Long Haul," but suddenly that was off the table. I've been searching for a driving job that's reasonably commutable ever since. Unfortunately, most local driving jobs require either prior experience or the endorsement to drive a manual transmission truck. I had originally said that I was interested in learning to drive a standard (mostly because I like acquiring new skills), but I was discouraged by one of my instructors, so I only trained on the automatics. I've gotten a couple of good leads lately, but it's slow going.
Last week, I found out about a free forklift certification program offered by a local educational nonprofit. They also offer HiSET classes, so I reached out both to register for the training and to offer my services to their HiSET program. I found out today that I can't do either because they have students that are 16 and 17 (and ANY contact with a juvenile is a violation of my probation). This time I'm barred from both training and service. Isn't probation supposed to be about supervised reintegration? Most of the time I feel like it's more of a barrier to establishing something resembling a normal life.
I haven't given up on driving trucks. I'm still looking. But, since finishing school, my executive function hasn't been fantastic. It's easy for entire days to get away from me with very little to nothing accomplished towards any of my goals.
My friend Anthony came to visit me for a few days last week, and for that duration I gave myself permission to take a vacation from the pursuit of employment/guilt over not pursuing employment. They were a good several days.
It feels like every time I feel like I've found a good opportunity and things are looking up, some new obstacle or barrier presents itself and prevents me from succeeding.
If I weren't on probation, I'd have a job by now (ironically, having a job or profession is a condition of my probation). If I hadn't needed to leave Shreveport, I'd have a job by now. If my physical health were better, I'd have a job by now. The last is the only one over which I have any control, and I haven't been responsible in terms of doing anything about it. Here, we circle back to "poor executive function."
I don't let myself wallow in it for very long anymore. Adversity constantly presenting itself in new and surprising ways has become the norm in my life. But, I'm approaching a year since my release from prison and selling some items on eBay is the only thing that I've done to make any money. This isn't sustainable and things become a little more financially dire every day.
I have so many skills that would make me well suited to so many positions. At the same time, I'm legally prohibited from attaining a lot of those positions. Others simply won't hire felons. Still others won't consider people with a Sex Offense. The set of all jobs for which I'll even be considered is a small one--especially out here in the second world.
